Friday, October 14, 2005

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Let's go into the Yellow Dog Blog's mailbag and look at a recent piece of correspondence from a reader.

Mr. Charles Fishman writes...

Like all "yellow dog" liberals and socialists all you have is a mouth. I'm 68 years old and I'll meet you anytime, anywhere, You want to frighten me with losing social security, or is your specialty buying votes with cigarettes and booze like most of your liberal(socialist) buddies, how about registering a few more dead people or having a few more felons vote twice.

Or maybe you can get the NAACP to call me a racist. But I do agree with you on 1 thing! NO REACHING ACROSS THE AISLE AND TAKE NO PRISONERS, CRUSH THE ENEMY(YOU AND YOUR SOCIALIST BUDDIES)

Wow. I'm not sure how to respond to being called out like that – I'm assuming Mr. Fishman would like to fight based on this and a previous e-mail -- so I'll simply respond with...

The Yellow Dog Blog's top ten reasons I won't fight 68-year-old Charles Fishman:

10. Unsure if Charles truly will meet me "anytime, anywhere." I would pick the Bahamas and don't want to get my hopes up.

9. Afraid if he kicks my ass, he'll go after the guys at Crooks and Liars next.

8. Uncomfortably aroused by Chuck's prison-style reference to swapping "cigarettes and booze" for favors.

7. Have contacted NAACP President Bruce Gordon: He's unwilling to back me up and call Charles a racist.

6. Too busy registering dead people to vote.

5. Despite being 20 years younger, fear we might both get hurt and be unable to get medical care in Bush's America.

4. Don King trying to rip me off on lucrative HBO pay-per-view deal.

3. Suspect Chuck belongs to the NRA and will just blow me away during pre-fight introductions.

2. Disappointing attendance at last "Yellow-Dog, Elderly-Crank Smackdown."
And the number one reason I won't fight reader Charles Fishman...
1. I know he's just trying to impress Jodie Foster.

Keep those cards and letters coming, conservative nutjobs!