Friday, January 27, 2006

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old mailbag and, for pure entertainment value only, see what right-winger has borrowed Mommy and Daddy’s computer to harass me this week.

(Note: In the e-mail I quote below, just assume the [sic] notation at about every other word, because this is verbatim what he wrote to me.)
Mr. Tim Givens writes…

“I have served in the Military for 14 years proudly, Special Forces sniper. I earned my right and then some. I have been in battles you never even knew took place and let me clear you in they are still taking place this very moment. The problem here is not just Bush. Yeah he is an idot, But THE MILITARY IS NOT THE F’N BOY SCOUTS. AND THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THESE SISSY ASS’S THAT ARE ENLISTING FOR A FREE BOAT RIDE. Well FREEDOM is not free. Have you earned your freedom lately. (I HAVE) I have no sympathy here. Yes I have compassion and no one should ever die but it happens and this is what I signed up to do. I think all these mommy and daddies crying on TV. O my boy O’ my this and that. They need to shut the f’ up. If these mommy and daddies would have gotten off there dead lazy asses and provided for their son and daughter’s. They wouldn’t have to go in the Military in order to go to school. Again this is not the flipping boy scouts. Yes I know not everyone can’t afford to go to school, This is why we have grants etc. America has gotten sissy fide and even the dick’s like you, I’ve killed many in COMBAT and have been shot to protect. And your gratitude is to have people remove their magnets off their cars because you don’t like BUSH. Get over it.”

To which I reply...

Dear Tim;

Didn’t I see you babbling on a street corner recently?

Let’s start with the whole misuse of the word “freedom.” Despite what you and your ilk say, freedom is free. Indeed, according to the president you undoubtedly voted for, it’s not only free, but it’s “god-given.”

Nobody in Iraq is fighting for my freedom. The last people to truly “fight for our freedom” in this country are World War II veterans as they were fighting people who actually attacked us – now there’s a concept for you – and who explicitly threatened our way of life. Simply repeating Bush administration lies and spin doesn’t make them true and it make you come off as a sheep-like idiot.

In addition, a good way to establish credibility with a Veteran when you write is to actually sound like one yourself – you do not. I do not believe that you are a “Special Forces sniper” as I have actually known such people during my time in the military and, unlike what one might expect, they were among the calmest, most serene people you could ever meet and didn’t need to spout macho rhetoric. That doesn’t sound like you.

Also, you claim to have “killed many” in a way that borders on braggadocio, which is another sure sign that the only battle you’ve ever seen is with other frat boys over who has to buy the next round. Those who have actually seen combat are not inclined to subtly glorify it by bragging about it and making such pathetic attempts to sound tough.

Before you write back and challenge me by asking if I’m calling you a liar: Yes, I am.

Now go back to watching Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.
Tune in next week for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.