Poll Says 39 Percent of Americans are Morons

In shocking results released Monday, a Zogby International poll shows that 39 percent of the American people are total morons. The poll, taken January 9-12 and cleverly disguised as a survey about presidential approval, showed that 39 percent of Americans believe George W. Bush is doing a good job as president.

In other poll results, 39 percent of respondents believe that Karl Marx, who wrote the Communist Manifesto, was also a member of the famed Marx Brothers comedy team. The same 39 percent, voting on the top news stories of 2005, gave the nod to the Natalee Holloway disappearance, Michael Jackson's trial, the Aniston-Pitt breakup and disturbing revelations that popular cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants is gay.