Sunday, February 12, 2006

Dick Cheney’s Top 10 Excuses For Shooting Fellow Hunter

From the home office in blue-state New York, here’s Vice President Dick Cheney’s top 10 excuses for shooting fellow hunter Harry Whittington on Saturday:

10. Sick and tired of Whittington’s “Hey, I’m having a heart attack” jokes

9. Pushed over edge by Dixie Chicks and Streisand blasting on pick-up truck stereo

8. Ongoing dispute over whether it’s acceptable to torture quail before shooting them

7. Thought he saw Michael Moore on other side of tree line

6. Bombed out of his gourd on Wild Turkey and Lone Star Beer

5. Companion’s ill-advised decision to wear sweatshirt

4. Was trying to impress Jodie Foster

3. Whittington’s repeated ribbing that Bush is actually the “real president”

2. Targeting scope on rifle made by Halliburton

And the number one excuse given by Dick Cheney for almost blowing away hunting companion Harry Whittington…

1. Because he’s a wartime vice president, damn it