Dumb Stuff Republicans Say On The Senate Floor

OK, folks, it's Friday, it's been a long week in the United States Senate and I've decided to bring some amusement into your lives by showing you some dumb things that Republicans said this week on the Senate floor. Nothing big… Nothing momentous…. Just enough to make you say "huh?"

DeMint Makes Theodore Roosevelt Spin In Grave

Or, one Chickenhawk uses Roosevelt's words to praise another Chickenhawk… Here's ultraconservative Jim DeMint (R-SC) getting all verklempt while giving a stirring floor speech about the "war on terror" and how George W. Bush stands alone in his heroic world vision -- and invoking Teddy Roosevelt to praise the man who brought us the Iraq quagmire:

"One of our greatest Presidents, Theodore Roosevelt, once said, 'It is not the critic who counts.' 'The credit,' he said, 'belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming.'

"The credit, Roosevelt said, belongs to the man 'who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.'

"At this very moment, our Commander in Chief and those he commands are daring greatly."

Kind of hard to picture guys like Bush or DeMint ever being "marred by dust and sweat and blood," isn’t it? DeMint did his time while of military age striving "valiantly" at the University of Tennessee and Clemson University while Bush, well, who knows where the hell he was?

But even considering that he's referring to Bush now, I have a feeling King George gets more "marred by dust and sweat and blood" clearing brush or tumbling from his mountain bike in Crawford, than he does wrestling with his hideous decisions on war policy.

Bond Implies Congressional Democrats Sending Good News To Osama

Here's that wacky Kit Bond (R-MO), taking to the Senate floor on Tuesday to slip a two-for-one deal into the Congressional Record. First he invokes "cut-and-run" as if he didn’t get the memo about that phrase being inoperable given how many people on his side of the aisle are starting to agree with Democrats in correcting the Iraq disaster:

"I have also heard in the Senate a number of comments from Members who do not support a cut-and-run policy. I have addressed previously the disaster of an immediate withdrawal from Iraq."

Bond was saying that anyone not supporting the Bush-McCain policy of escalating the war in Iraq is cutting and running… So that now accounts for about two-thirds of the Congress and 70 percent of the American people.

Which, according to Bond, means most of us are also guilty of sending messages that will make the enemy downright giddy. Saying that Iraq would "fall into chaos" if we begin withdrawing troops, the Bond Man had this to say:

"The primary beneficiary of that chaos would be al-Qaida. Osama bin Laden and Al-Jazeera have said how important it was for them to establish Iraq as their main base of operations. To send a message by adopting a resolution that says we oppose the President's plan, implementation of his plan, is not going to change sending more American troops there.

"But it will tell al-Qaida: Good news, boys, the Congress is opposing the President. Our chances look better to take over the country."

Memo to Republican National Committee: Please send Senator Bond newer slime.

Bond -- Again

Apparently convinced that he hadn’t sounded goofy enough with the old-school "cut-and-run" language earlier in the day, Kit Bond went back to the microphone again on Tuesday to talk about how proponents of the Warner-Levin resolution against sending more troops to Iraq might just want to listen to the military:

"The proponents of the resolution to limit troop strength must now believe that sitting here 8,000 miles away, this body is more equipped than our military leaders to say what our force structure should be in Iraq. That is unacceptable; it is totally unacceptable."

I think we can all agree on that. In fact, here's a critical passage directly from the text of the Warner-Levin resolution:

U.S. Central Command Commander General John Abizaid testified to Congress on November 15, 2006, "I met with every divisional commander, General Casey, the Corps Commander, [and] General Dempsey. We all talked together. And I said, in your professional opinion, if we were to bring in more American troops now, does it add considerably to our ability to achieve success in Iraq? And they all said 'no.'"

Now, Senator Bond, please return to your seat.

Hypocrite R' Us: The Republican Superstore

I don't think Judd "Smokescreen Man" Gregg (R-NH) is having fun being in the Senate minority. Addressing a question to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) on bringing his own red-herring Iraq resolution to the floor, Gregg moaned loudly about minority rights in the Senate and even asked if the body was going toward a " Cuban model of democracy."

"Would it not be truly unusual in a democratic forum, which is supposed to be the most deliberative body in the world, to not allow the minority to bring forward a resolution -- which is probably going to get more than a majority vote should it ever be voted on -- which is not contestable as to its purpose -- its purpose being well meaning; it is certainly not a purpose that is anything other than to express a sense of support for those who are defending us.

"Would it not be a new form of democracy, maybe closer to the Cuban model, to not allow an amendment presented by the minority as their option but, rather, have the majority write the minority's amendment which would then be voted on?

"You have one-party rule, sort of a Cuban model of democracy."

No word on whether or not Gregg burst into tears and rushed into the arms of Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) after that last line.

And Reid, a former boxer, probably didn’t know whether to slug Gregg or laugh out loud. Addressing Claire McCaskill (D-MO) the freshmen Senator serving as presiding officer at that moment, Reid simply said "The Presiding Officer is a new Member of this body, but she should have seen when the Republicans were in the majority."

Yeah, there was a lot of 'Kumbaya' being sung in the last Congress as the GOP killed almost every piece of Democratic legislation.

Hutchison Cracks Wise

Finally, we have Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX) saying that, while some of George W. Bush's policies may have failed, his motives are pure as the driven snow.

"I don't agree with everything the President has done. Not one person on the Senate floor agrees with everything the President has done," said Hutchison. "But I will tell you this: no one -- no one -- can ever say this President isn't committed to one thing, paramount in all of his responsibilities, and that is to protect the people of the United States. He is doing what he thinks is best to protect our children and freedom for our way of life."

Stop, Senator, you're killin' me.

Have a good weekend -- and try not to say anything embarrassing.