Friday, October 06, 2006

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or Fox News devotee tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

And it's funny how hate e-mail can be a feast or famine proposition. Some weeks, I get almost no e-mail from inarticulate, slack-jawed right-wingers and other weeks it's a veritable slime festival -- and this week was the latter.

The second biggest nut case to write to me this week was Izzy Oleinik who writes:
You sit on your fat ass and only hurt the brave young men and women that defend our country, The animals they fight only have one purpose in life, kill americans. Bush has taken the war to their country. I do not give a rats ass if he kills every one of them. I do not give a rats ass if he tortures every one of them If it just saves one american life I am for it!!!!!!!, Your kind let our troops down in the Viet Nam war and your kind is doing it again.

We will win the presidential election again because americans will not trust a democrat to protect them. I am urging every one of my friends to go out an vote for our side and we will win this election. You are the one that makes a living from scaring others. Bush is
doing the job we elected him to do.

As far as I am concerned you and your kind are traitors. If I was in control I would round you up and have you brought before a firing squad.
I know, I know… Even those of you accustomed to the misfits I feature here, are saying "OK, who was the first biggest nut case you heard from this week?" I'll get to him. But I'll answer this guy first….

Dear Izzy;

Frankly, Izzy, what hurts the most is that "fat ass" comment. As a Republican, shouldn't you really keep your attention on the butts of young boys?

And, I was content to write you off as just another crazy, medicated Republican sending me e-mail because you have no friends but, in the days since I got your charming note, I've found out you're right about who the terrorists are and that George W. Bush has "taken the war to their country."

Just this last Tuesday morning, I took a cab from Wall Street to my Midtown Manhattan office and what did the Iraqi taxi driver do? He tried to kill me by running the car into the Hudson River! But I wrestled the wheel from him, paid the fare and made my way to work safely.

That very afternoon, I went for a business lunch to an upscale restaurant run by what I thought was a lovely Iraqi couple and -- you're not going to believe this, Izzy -- they tried to spike my food with nerve agent. It took me a good two hours to stop twitching and you can believe that the waiter did not get a generous tip.

The very next day, I went to my doctor -- you guessed it, Izzy, an Iraqi! -- and he feeds me this line about a "routine prostate exam" because I'm over 40. I don’t even want to tell you what he did to me, but I'm pretty sure he was guilty of a Geneva Conventions violation himself.

And then, just last night, a bunch of neighborhood kids -- and I can't swear they were Iraqi, Izzy, but I think you and I both know the truth -- took some pre-Halloween liberties and toilet-papered my double-wide trailer. We hate when that happens, don’t we, Izzy? I marched right down the street to complain to the Goldsteins, but they lied and said they were Jewish, not Iraqi.

Be that as it may, Izzy, I know what you mean about those Iraqis and why President Bush is fighting them in their country. I say we go after the evil-doers in Finland next. But maybe, since we now understand each other, you can write back and tell me how many of the 9/11 hijackers were Iraqi. I'll be waiting.

As for the remark that my views, in your mind, make me eligible for a firing squad -- and thus, I suppose, most people who read this column -- I would ask only that readers write directly to you with their feelings about that. (I get enough e-mail.)

Readers: The digital rock that Izzy hides under is at And, because I am a compassionate liberal and don’t wish to be cruel, I won’t tell you how easy it is to get Izzy Oleinik's work e-mail address -- but just let your fingers do the Googling.

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I normally don’t let this feature run as long as it will go today, but I wanted to print the most insane e-mail I got this week in its entirety, with no response from me at the end. I get occasional comments from readers -- and my own wife, for that matter -- asking me why I'm so hard on right-wingers and I can think of no better example than this e-mail. It comes from Mike Andrews at -- take a look:
Hi Bob;

You don't know me; I'm a white gentile. . . one who's not involved in pro gay rights activism.

Neither am I a Christian, although my people come from that genre.

In effect, I have no quarrel with gays as long as they live their lifestyles in private without attempting to draw the young and impressionable in as satraps. My sense of it is that under constitutional law gay people have the same rights and entitlements to privacy as the rest of us; laws against sodomy notwithstanding. The 'consenting adults' caveat should apply universally, in my opinion.

But when gays begin demanding that their animalistic, anti-human debauchery be accepted as the "norm" in society-at-large so as to allow gay marriage - which on the face of it is nothing but a ploy to reap from the American political system and its taxpayers the same traditional benefits enjoyed by heterosexual couples - that's where I draw the line.

I also draw a line in the sand where officials in the Marxist-oriented public school system cram the Jews' Marxist agenda of destruction down kids' throats with such mandated reading material as "** has two mommies," etc.; or by enforcement of the lie that homosexuality is a normal aspect of human behavior, giving all who voice dissent failing

The premise. . . that homosexuality is a normal aspect of Jewish behavior, now. . . I find myself in full accord with. But leave the rest of us out of the equation, sez vous plait.

Actually, the Foley debacle's got nothing to do with religion and everything to do with such abominations as degenerate sexuality, gutter morality and politics. Animalism can never be "Christianized." Same in re Judaism. So where do the queer Jews like to go? Why, to the Christian churches, of course! There they can. . . 'kill two birds with one stone' while "fitting in" with acceptable, mainstream American society.

Since you are undoubtedly a homosexual, Bob. . . or have a close relative (son or daughter, for instance) who is gay; or perhaps pro-homo activism is your Zionist-assigned mission - you obviously have a vested interest, whatever it is, in gleaning every possible benefit for your chosen faction that can be milked from society. You want to legitimize the illegitimate. Isn't there an oxymoron there some place?

But it doesn't make you right.

In re your article "Religious Right Strangely Silent About Foley," you make great and ominous-sounding howls of protest that Foley's "Christian" faction remains silent in the face of this most recent "exposé," so-called, of the 'morally reprehensible Christian collective.' (My terms; not yours.)

But even though I tend to agree with you, Bob, on certain points regarding the efficacies of Christianity - one poignant issue which you yourself conveniently omit to mention is, that Rep. Foley, in all likelihood, is a Jew, same as you - a queer, pedophiliac Jew to boot.

As you must be aware, Bob, there are today a great many secular Jews who call themselves "Christian." The Catholic church is full of them.

As well, there are Zionist-dedicated sayan moles implanted within all the various Christian ecumenical groups working to achieve the Marxist goal - that being the total destruction of every nuance of the traditional American system. . . which is, after all, a
Christian-oriented value system  through debauchery and scandal. This is the most basic premise of the Marxist credo  to 'divide and conquer.'

There's no point going further into the semantics of it, Bob; yet I think you are probably honest-enough to admit, to yourself at least, that the foregoing is true.

As just one of myriad examples, let me make mention of the "Bishop" Fulton J. Sheen (the 'J,' of course, being an arrogation). Sheen was a 'flaming' homosexual and a Jew who held a 30 minute weekly spot called "One Little Candle." It was sponsored by the Catholic church and aired on one of the broadcast tv networks back in the late 50's; I forget which.

When the show started, Sheen would come out strutting like a peacock, all dolled up in full Catholic bishop's regalia and wearing makeup. Then he would go into his well-orchestrated routine, using eye and body language to pull over the impression that he possessed mystical powers, and that his pack of lies and outrageous, effeminate posturing were somehow "sanctioned" by "El Supremo."

Yes; the "Bishop" Sheen - true-blue man of the cloth - a fabrication.

He was so obviously a flaming, flamboyant, aggressive-type homosexual that it defies logic how the Catholic church could ever have sanctioned him as its representative! ... Just goes to prove that Zionist infiltration of homosexual moles into the Church has been going great guns since the close of WWII, and probably long before.

Strangely, 'Sheen-ism' took hold. Many viewers in 'tv-land' were captured by the bishop's Jewish charisma - he being, if nothing else, a good actor. And boy, were we American gentiles dumb in those days!

My mother, a southern Baptist, was quite taken by Sheen and watched his show faithfully every week. I was a 14 year old kid and didn't know any better. I do now.

Eventually, I guess, the Zionist network criminals figured that they'd milked their propaganda-generator - the "Sheen machine" - long enough, and pulled the plug after about 18 months. They were wise in doing so; even we dumb, unassuming Americans can eventually smell a rat.

Afterwards it was as if the bishop had disappeared from the face of the earth! Perhaps (on a wistful note) a giant commode had flushed somewhere, taking the good bishop 'downstream' into the bowels of the evil, reeking system he so valiantly abetted. No - not Christianity.

But Sheen was the first overt example of what has since become a steady, deliberate, in-your-face, Jew-orchestrated debauchment of Christian traditionalism.

As said, there have been myriad subsequent episodes.

Jimmy Swaggart is one example; remember him? Yeah, Jimmy-the-Jew, who couldn't keep it in his pants; all part of the plan, of course. Well, he's not alone. The mole-led, Israel-first / Christian-Zionist factions of today are the traditional Christian groups of old, newly co-opted by their "Swaggarts" to serve the despotic whim of phallic-oriented Jewish savagery. ...And making not a few vicious Jews rich in the process.

So, Bob - when you rail against Christianity's new mentors and the dead-end political system they proffer, you err. . . in that all you're accomplishing is a repeat of the same redolent deceptions and stale canards hatched by a pack of criminals. . . who at this very hour are in the process of overthrowing the traditional American constitutional
government and replacing it with a Jew-controlled, Bolshevik-style dictatorship.

The writing is on the walls, Bob.

Can't you see it?

Or are you secretly gratified by it?


Mike Andrews
How's that for a mouthful of utter gibberish? And stuff like this hits my inbox every week. Mike probably had to skip a cross-burning to crank out something like this.

Feel free to let Mike know how you feel about his view of what being an American is all about and let's just hope that either his electroshock therapy kicks in sometime soon or, at the very least, that his robe catches fire at his next Ku Klux Klan meeting and he's out of commission for a while.

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Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letters and e-mails coming.