Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes
Mr. Jeff Grob writes:
YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!! but in America you are free to be just that.
JEFF GROB, A RED, RIGHT AND BLUE REPUBLICAN
You crazy, liberal kidder, you! Nice try with your little hate-mail practical joke, but you gave yourself away. First, this e-mail – printed in its entirety – is way too long to have come from a Republican. If you were really a slack-jawed, slobbering member of the GOP, you wouldn't have been able to focus for that long. Second, you spelled all of your words right, including that brutally-difficult your/you're thing.
I love ya, you zany, card-carrying ACLU member but, if you're going to say you're a Republican, you can't sound so damn smart.
I got another sweet note from a guy who sounds really tough and yet doesn't give his name. Let's just call him/her email@example.com. He/she writes:
It is AMAZING how STUPID your website is. You think you're AMERICAN? Freedom of speech doesn't give you the right to BASH our COUNTRY and OUR PRESIDENT!Dear tmanfly;
Grow up and figure out how STUPID you really are!!
I am PROUD to be an AMERICAN! If you're NOT....why not go to some other country. Canada, France, or even IRAN might welcome you in!
THANKS FOR NOTHING!!
Wow. What a day this is turning into. I had my heart set on writing the Yellow Dog Blog for a really long time and then I get this e-mail telling me how "STUPID" my web site is. So I decided to quit writing.
With my confidence in the toilet, I contacted the Canadian and French embassies in Manhattan and was firmly, but politely told that I couldn't live in their countries either. I called the Iranian Counsel General and he told me they didn't want my kind in Iran either.
I then contacted every country run by a ruthless dictator but, when they found out I wasn't a Republican, they told me to take a leap too. Guess I wasn't their kind either.
So, I guess I'll just stay in America and write this stupid blog – and hope that firstname.lastname@example.org doesn't report me to the government for bashing the president, and thus violating our Constitution's free-speech clause.