Friday, December 02, 2005

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

It's time to take our regular look at the Yellow Dog Blog mailbag and see what the cat dragged in this week...

Mr. Jeff Grob writes:
YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!! but in America you are free to be just that.



Dear Jeff;

You crazy, liberal kidder, you! Nice try with your little hate-mail practical joke, but you gave yourself away. First, this e-mail – printed in its entirety – is way too long to have come from a Republican. If you were really a slack-jawed, slobbering member of the GOP, you wouldn't have been able to focus for that long. Second, you spelled all of your words right, including that brutally-difficult your/you're thing.

I love ya, you zany, card-carrying ACLU member but, if you're going to say you're a Republican, you can't sound so damn smart.

* * * * *

I got another sweet note from a guy who sounds really tough and yet doesn't give his name. Let's just call him/her He/she writes:
It is AMAZING how STUPID your website is. You think you're AMERICAN? Freedom of speech doesn't give you the right to BASH our COUNTRY and OUR PRESIDENT!

Grow up and figure out how STUPID you really are!!

I am PROUD to be an AMERICAN! If you're NOT....why not go to some other country. Canada, France, or even IRAN might welcome you in!

Dear tmanfly;

Wow. What a day this is turning into. I had my heart set on writing the Yellow Dog Blog for a really long time and then I get this e-mail telling me how "STUPID" my web site is. So I decided to quit writing.

With my confidence in the toilet, I contacted the Canadian and French embassies in Manhattan and was firmly, but politely told that I couldn't live in their countries either. I called the Iranian Counsel General and he told me they didn't want my kind in Iran either.


I then contacted every country run by a ruthless dictator but, when they found out I wasn't a Republican, they told me to take a leap too. Guess I wasn't their kind either.

So, I guess I'll just stay in America and write this stupid blog – and hope that doesn't report me to the government for bashing the president, and thus violating our Constitution's free-speech clause.

* * * * *

Tune in next week for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.