New Year's Resolutions You'll Want Kept
Lynne Cheney: To read that copy of "Heather Has Two Mommies" that Mary gave her for Christmas.
Donald Rumsfeld: When leading the Sunrise Estates shuffleboard team against archrival Peaceful Gardens, to bring enough players.
Sen. John McCain: To put the Straight Talk Express up on blocks at the Permanent Occupation Trailer Park.
Justice John Paul Stevens: LIVE, BABY, LIVE!
Joe Lieberman: To call every voter in Connecticut, inform them he's supporting a troop increase in Iraq, gleefully shout "Sucker!", then hang up.
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