Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Weasel Advocates Blast McClellan Comparisons

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Resentful after days of having their members compared to White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, the Weasel Anti-Defamation League (WAL) lashed out today at a media they charge with unfairly debasing their clients.

"We are sick and tired of having our weasel constituents likened to President Bush's spokesman," said Shifty McLean of the WAL. "Well, 'sick and tired' might not be the right words but, well, you know, we're pretty steamed."

Weasel advocates have bombarded newspaper editors with letters, while the pro-weasel blogging community has been on fire with stinging rebukes on claims that the prevaricating White House Press Secretary is the human embodiment of the furry, vacillating creatures.

"I mean we change our opinions an awful lot – well, kind of, a lot of the time," said WAL spokesman McLean. "We even tend to stray from the truth to avoid damaging situations at times -- but this McClellan guy is over the top. Well, maybe not 'over the top' but, well, he makes even real weasels a little squeamish"

McClellan has been under attack by an increasingly focused White House press corps in the last 48 hours and, having been caught in obvious lies and misstatements, has begun desperately clinging to the phrase "ongoing investigation" as a way of avoiding the truth.

"In many ways, we admire Mr. McClellan," said weasel advocate McLean. "I mean, come on, this guy can lie while he takes a drink of water. It's really quite amazing. Well, maybe not amazing but, well, it's pretty cool."

Meanwhile, the White House media affairs office has declined comment on the WAL's indignation and said simply in a statement that, because weasels are common in any Republican administration, it would "...not be appropriate to comment on an ongoing investigation."

Shifty McLean stands firm, saying that, despite admiring a good string of lies as much as the next guy, even weasels have some dignity.

"Hey, let's face it, evading the truth is like breathing to our weaseling brotherhood," sighed McLean. "But when weasel children start cruelly taunting each other as 'a McClellan,' things have gone way too far."