One More From Down Under

I have one more e-mail from an Aussie reader -- who answered my query about feelings towards America in Australia -- that defied easy excerpting or pigeonholing in my piece yesterday.

Daniel Green, of Newcastle, NSW Australia, send some comments -- and suggestions!

There is of course an interesting perception of Americans here in Australia at the moment. Mostly you are all portrayed as gung ho, cruise-missile welding idiots who are the cause of probably 99 percent of all the world’s problems. If it wasn’t for your imperialistic, materialistic, stop-at-nothing attitude we’d probably think you were an all right lot. I can see though their is a genuine difference between the average American (who, according to us all have chronic problems with geography) and the government who seems to have lost their direction somewhat.

So here’s what would genuinely change our (if not the world's) opinion on your country.

• Stop spending so much money on pets! Apparently the average American spends 20 dollars a week on pet food. That would sponsor four third-world kiddies with an education and all the food they can eat.

• Stop invading other countries that have big oil supplies. It makes us all very suspicious.

• Stop making sitcoms. They really aren't the pinnacle of civilized culture.

• When you make spell-checking programs stop making it change all my spelling to American English!

• Read more, eat less.

Had you suggested drinking less beer, I would have assumed you were "with the terrorists" instead of with us. But, save for the part about us being "the cause of probably 99 percent of all the world’s problems," these all make sense.

The one about invading other countries will have to wait until November. We have some pretty big elections coming up in 2006 and we Democrats will see what we can do on that score.