Monday, December 19, 2005

The Weblog Awards: The Ugly

As I said in the previous posts today, I was treated a bit uncharitably by many of my Weblog Awards competitors. But, because most of them resorted to simple name calling and giving their opinion of me as an "idiot" and the like, I can accept all of that as the vitriol that is returned when one expresses harsh opinions of their own -- as I most assuredly did at the start of the contest.

In other words, fair enough. When you crack open a can of worms, you ought not be surprised when something slithers out.

What I did not expect to come slithering at me was Alexandra von Maltzan of – are you ready for an irony tsunami? – All Things Beautiful.

I'm not quite sure how to describe Ms. von Maltzan, except to say that she's kind of like a poor man's Ann Coulter, but without the sweetness, charm and warmth of the blonde, right-wing reptile. I heard a lot about her later from other liberal bloggers, but I didn't know at the time that I was about to be hit with her own, special brand of Skanko-Roman wrestling.

von Maltzan's primary thesis was that, despite telling my readers to stay away from the polls and not vote for me, writing nothing about the awards for the final eight (of ten) days of voting and never displaying a blog banner proclaiming the Yellow Dog Blog as an awards finalist, I really, truly, deep-down wanted to win the Best New Blog award. Wow. Maybe my mother did indeed breast feed me for too long as a child – who knows what other demons lurk so far inside of me that even I don't recognize them?

Despite saying on December 7 that I would not be writing much more about the awards – and , indeed, I have not posted a single word until last night and today – von Maltzan told her readers every chance she got that I wrote about the awards "ad nauseam" and that this was a sign of my desperate need to win.

Again, even a Republican, counting with the aid of all fingers and toes, could assess the total number of words written about these awards on my blog in the last 12 days: zero.

Of course, this came from the same person who started every, single post during the awards voting period with the following:
Pathetic to witness someone begging that hard for approval, isn't it? And rather sad for her to try so hard, to seek that much reinforcement, only to have her ass handed to her by a guy who told people to not vote for him.


But the worst thing with her, was the lying. And, believe me, this woman can teach you all a thing or two about telling some fibs. She even writes about the art of lying and about how we Democrats need to move on to a different subject and quit harping on this whole, overrated truth-telling kick we've been on since 2000. And, my oh my, can this little snake turn a lie into the truth, parsing deceitful language so many different ways, she makes Scott McClellan look like Honest Abe Lincoln.

Ms. von Maltzan went after my post, "Want To Do Something Important? Hint: It’s Not The Weblog Awards" like a buzzard after week-old road kill.

Here's text from the primary blog entry on All Things Really Ugly, where she tells the biggest of her lies. Are you ready for this? In addition to claiming that I'm going after this award harder than Rush Limbaugh running down his OxyContin dealer, von Maltzan claims I expressly tell my readers that the fastest way for Democrats to take back the Congress in 2006, is to vote for me in the Weblog Awards. Let's have a look:
...and now onto the bigger picture the 'Want to do something important part', what could it be, well it must be really important, ummh, nothing to do with the Awards of course 'cos this is not about the Awards, and 'Yellow Dog' does not care about winning, so:

"Want to really piss them off and have an impact? Go to one of these sites and find a way to help take back the House and the Senate in 2006!"

O.K. so now Yellow Dog is channeling Howard Dean, and really thinks that the votes for the Weblog Awards are going to win the Dems back The House. Really? Well no of course not, he is simply drumming up the hype to get the votes. But no he can't be, 'cos he made it perfectly clear right at the beginning, this is nothing to do with the Awards, no nothing to do with the Awards, it's about something bigger. Bigger? Well yes bigger it's about winning back The House.

Ah, well that clears it up, if you vote for 'Yellow Dog', nicknamed 'The Scream', you stand a chance of winning back The House. Oohhh, well, that' s good then isn't it? Not much is asked of the readers. Voting for 'Yellow Dog' gets you in The House. Sounds right.

Ah O.K. then so if we vote for YOU, we'll get the House back. Well all right then, lets do it for the Dems, for this great Nation of ours, for the land of the free and the home of the brave...
Little Alex must have been a bit groggy from sleeping under a rock because she then links to the exact post where even readers with the limited intellect of her fans would see that she told an out-and-out lie. Here's what was actually written on my blog:
I’ve seen some of you coming to my defense on the right-wing blogs where the Yellow Dog Blog is being attacked and, while I am touched and appreciative, I would rather you not waste your time doing this. For people like us, winning a war of words with a conservative is a hollow victory, similar to me walking into an old-folks home and winning the 80-and-up, arm-wrestling championship. Yes, I won, but what does it mean? Don’t waste your time with these people.

Want to really piss them off and have an impact? Go to one of these sites and find a way to help take back the House and the Senate in 2006:
Help get Democrats in office and remove the GOP – that’s getting something done. Besides, how do you follow-up on intellectually destroying a conservative? Beat up a five-year-old? Steal a blind man’s cane? There’s just no point.
Quite a bit different, isn't it?

I called our slippery little blogette on her lie in a private e-mail and, despite being caught with her entire arm in the cookie jar, she ignored the issue and – how's this for gall? – said "And please stop calling me a 'liar'. Where I come from, being called a liar is still a big deal and I don’t take kindly to it."

While I'm not sure exactly what kind of moist soil von Maltzan burrows into at night or from where she hails, I can only assume being called a liar is a "big deal" because it's a source of family pride.

And speaking of family, I found out that my cousin in Grand Island, Nebraska came to my aid on All Things Festering and, our little Malkin wannabe respond by writing that it was actually me corresponding under a nom de plume and, from what I found later, stating that as a matter of fact.

This must be because I'm so shy about my opinion and so incredibly reluctant to express those thoughts in public.

So there you go... I've tried to keep von Maltzan's behavior and tactics in context and to remember that, far from this being personal, she's undoubtedly living her life like a lying piece of trash to secure a future in the Bush administration. Mission accomplished – I'm sure she'll be hearing from Karl Rove soon.

She should be outing CIA agents, lying about the Iraq war and selling out the American people in no time.

Look for some blistering comebacks from von Maltzan in the very near future and please don't write to tell me about it. This woman's been obsessed with me for 14 days now and I fully expect her to keep going and spewing all manner of deceit in the coming days and weeks. Ignore her. Like a nasty wound, she'll dry up and go away before long.

But here's one thing you won't see from her: a retraction.

Even though I somehow got the most votes for an award that I did not want, I will never again (after this post) mention that "honor" on this site. Nor will you ever see the bragging-rights banner that I'm sure many people, who also prevailed in their categories, will have prominently displayed on their blogs. Why? Because I meant what I said. I didn't care about the award two weeks ago and I don't care about it now.

But don't look for her to admit she was wrong. That would take honor and class and, true to her Republican ethos, she cannot handle those as easily as she can a lie.