Here's How Fringe I Am, Fred Thompson

Did you know that former Senator and maybe, kinda, sorta Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson has his own column on the ABC Radio Network's web site? Neither did I until someone pointed out to me that he had written a piece bashing Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) for calling incompetent people in the Bush administration, well, incompetent.

And while it's standard fare for Republicans who have nothing whatsoever to offer America to attack Democrats for voicing loud opposition to their destructive policies, a little passage by Thompson describing a recent Reid conference call with Progressive bloggers really struck a chord with me.

Here's Fred:

"Harry Reid, though, has taken a different route. He made his statement about General Pace on a conference call with fringe elements of the blogosphere who think we're the bad guys. This is a place where even those who think the 9/11 attacks were an inside job find a home."

Well, I was on that conference call, and based on what I know of the other participants, I suspect they lead much the same kind of life that I do. I never knew I was a "fringe element" in American society, but when I look at a snapshot of my nefarious activities over the last week or so, I know in my heart that Freddie must be right.

Here's just a taste of what this middle-aged, suburban husband and father did to undermine our national values over the past seven days:

• Attended my son's middle-school orientation. He's "graduating" from elementary school this Thursday -- though, oddly enough, exhibiting few signs of being a "fringe element" despite having me for a father -- and on that day, our lunatic activities will center around taking many pictures of him and his friends and going for ice cream afterwards. I personally plan on ordering the Cookies and Communist Crunch.

• Volunteered at a local community clean-up effort to rid our town of the trash spawned by a predominantly-Democratic community that clearly hates America. Went to weenie roast afterwards… Put catsup on my hotdog to show how much I despise American values.

• Went to son's Cub Scout meeting. My wife is the town's Cub Master and spends hours of her time on volunteer activities and team-building with the kids. She's another of the "fringe element" of which Fred Thompson speaks.

• Mowed the lawn. Drank two beers while I did it -- my favorite, Tree-Hugger Pale Ale.

• Took my son to the driving range with me. While we whacked golf balls, we discussed our lack of family values and my little boy stunned me with this question: "Dad, why haven't you been divorced a bunch of times like Fred Thompson and the other Republican presidential candidates?" "Now son," I said. "Senator Thompson's only been divorced once. You're thinking of Rudy Giuliani or Newt Gingrich."

• Celebrated Shabbat on Friday night with wife, son and in-laws. Had nice dinner while planning family vacation and plotting overthrow of Federal government. Had family movie night at home and watched the always-subversive 'Karate Kid' with my son.

• Went shopping for son's birthday presents. Had a hard time deciding between memberships in the ACLU and the Sierra Club or a SpongeBob SquarePants alarm clock.

So that's about it. I only regret that we didn’t have time to burn an American flag this week. But I feel better having spilled all of that and I urge the other people who were on the Reid conference call last week to do the same.

The only way we can truly confront being the wacko, zany, "fringe elements" that we are is to admit the lives we lead that so undermine Fred Thompson's vision of America.

Oh, by the way, I'm also a military Veteran who served my country when called.

And Fred Thompson? Well, he did do hard time at sea in The Hunt For Red October.